Happy Halloween 2010!

Knocked OUT, but not DOWN!!!!

Here's a picture from our most recent bout. We did our 3rd annual Paint the Rink Pink to raise money for Susan G. Komen and breast cancer! It was a very sucessful event!

these are my confessions.....

~i love rap music. deal with it!

~i really want to teach Kadence how to drive.

~i want to buy a house, but i don't want to buy a house. it means i really might never move.

~i have a crazy desire to become a spinning instructor.

~i really want a purple convertible slug bug! someday!

~i'm terribly sad that my kids are growing up so fast.

~i wish a doctor could find out what's wrong with me.

~i wish magic would happen and i could feel good since doctors don't know what's wrong with me

~i think my husbands hot! duh!

~i can't believe i've been married almost 13 years!

~i have a new obsession with decorating for Halloween! (thanks C.S.)

~i wish my sister and sister in law lived closer so we could hang out.

~i think some people need to get over themselves and I might vocalize that thought!

~i'm worried for things to come concerning my FIL's health.

~i really want to deep clean/declutter my house, but lack the motivation to do more than think about it.

~i need to lose about 30 lbs, but lack the motivation to do more than bitch about it!

~i really want a boob job. almost as much as the slug bug!

~i need to start reading my scriptures and studying with my kids b/c my light is dimming.

~life's hard and it sucks being an adults most of the time.

~i think i have pretty awesome parents which means my kids have pretty awesome grandparents.

~i really hope that we get to take our family vacation we've been planning.

~i wanna go camping.

~i want to be good at budgeting and saving more money, but i like to shop!

~i'm trying to cook more, but failing b/c eating out is easier.

~i'm thankful for a few good friends in my life that balance out the drama folks in my life.

~i looove roller derby.

Ok, that's enough for now. Just needed to blog and there are too many things going on in my mind to decide on one topic. So you get confession vomit! You're welcome!

ROLLER DERBY ACTION

Here are a few action shots from out last bout. We played in OKC and it was an awesome game. We won 128 to 24! Very nice!

I got to JAM for the first time in a game. The jammer is the person who actually scores the points. For every opposing team member they pass they get a point. I got sent to the penalty box for the first time too! Good times! While jamming was terrifying it was great fun all at the same time! I loooove this game!

The first picture is of me PASSING THE STAR. What that means is I took the helmet panty (yes, that's what it's called) off my helmet and passed it to the PIVOT which makes her the jammer and she takes over scoring the points. It was AWESOME!!!!!!




In this picture I am receiving a WHIP from the girl to my left so that I can fly by that mean looking girl in front of me who wants to KILL me! :o)


This game was sooo fun for all of us new girls. They were a new team and so they played close to our levels. Which was a BIG confidence boost for so many of us who have been extremely frustrated lately. It's a simple game with lots of rules and tons of things going on all at the same time and I'm glad to finally feel like I'm getting it!

Hi! I'm Amanda, I'm Mormon, I like to say a few cuss words, I play roller derby...gasp, and I let my kids say crap and sucks...I know right?

Do you ever feel like you're stuck? You know, stuck like doing the same things over and over only to come to the realization one day that something needs to change? Or maybe people in your life need to be changed? But, what can you change? Work, friends, activities, friends, cars, clothes, shoes, etc. or what if it's something you can't change b/c of the effect it will have on other people?


So anyways back to being stuck. I was a rebellious teenager (to say the least) I had lots of stupid rebellious fun back in the day. But, most of my rebellion stemmed from caring too much about other peoples opinion of me. I always wanted to be the fun and crazy girl, but not too crazy. For much of my teenage years I lived a double life, good little church girl on Wednesdays and Sundays and super bitch chick the rest of the days. This worked for me until about my junior year, when the parentals and others from church caught on. So then my rebellion deepened. I stopped attending church b/c of an adult who was constantly talking about me. She did everything she could to make me feel unworthy to be in church. (granted I wasn't doing what I was supposed to) She was YW leader and she made sure all the YW knew that I was an awful person. So instead of doing her part to nurture me and help me find what I was seeking she was pushing me to dislike my religion and all she stood for. She was so head strong to claim her place as the "leader" and she told me several times of her dislike for me. I was 16 years old and so from then on I was out to prove that I could be who I wanted to be and hang with who I wanted to hang with no matter the consequences. And I paid some pretty hefty consequences, but that's not my point here.


I just wanted to be me, but in the chaos of trying to figure out who that was I totally got lost. I was a natural born leader and somehow I had turned into the follower. I left behind the good friends for the not so good friends. I became the good friend to people who were not willing to return the favor in my times of need. I feel I am a good friend, but I lost out on something very special during my teen years. I pushed those who would truly be my lifelong friends away so that I could be "me". Sure I reclaimed a few of them and they know who they are.



I learned from that experience to harden myself a little. I don't get as close to women as friends as I used to. Because to me, they are all drama and dishonest and judgemental. I also learned to stand up for myself b/c if I don't who else is going to? If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. If I have something to say, I'm going to say it with little thought or care as to who likes it or not. Because I would rather say what's on my mind than patrionize you with something that isn't honest or genuine. This offends many, wins the respect of many, leaves me to be judged by many and I'm OK with all of those things. I also learned not to be judgemental of people b/c you never know what they've been through in their lives to make them the way they are. Sure I form opinions about people and think they could be different or do better, but what could I be doing better? Maybe the things I may THINK they need to change are just what they need to keep them happy. Maybe it's not my business what they need to change, ya think?



Back to my teenage years and being judged so harsh at church. I went through years of denying church and doing whatever I could to rebel against it. When I finally hit my rock bottom and had to grow up fast, I realized that I needed it. I needed support, but I was scared I wouldn't get it b/c when I had needed it as a teenager it wasn't there. Well, it was, but it was in the hands of a monster! I struggled for years to try and forgive this person and I honestly still struggle with it. The one thing I came to realize though is that the church is perfect, but the people in it aren't. And then the most wonderful missionary came into my life, he passed no judgement on me. He made me understand that I needed to do what was right for me! And that those people who will judge me and look down on me had secrets and discretions just like I did. He helped me heal, helped me understand that my place in church was there and so was the support. From thousands of miles away he did for me what noone else could at that time. He helped me regain my testimony and he helped me find ME!


So tell me now as an adult, why am I having such a hard time with people from church judging me? I'm honestly back to the point of not wanting to go and lately that's exactly what I've done. But, I have kids to look out for and I know they need to be there. I just don't want to put up with the fake b.s. and politics of not being the Mormon others think I should be. I'm just over it! I'm not offended that they judge me as an adult, but it makes my temper flare and I will not be fake nice. I'm just trying not to kick a few self proclaimed Molly Mormons ASSES, mmmmmkay!

WOW! That was a looong post! Sorry!

Oh no you didn't.....

See those 2 adorable boys up there?

Yeah, well I smooth cussed them both out on Saturday! I've been just plain fed up with them lately. It's so exhausting how much they fight with each other. They cannot speak kindly to each other for anything. I just don't get it. I mean I know I fought with my siblings, but I sure don't remember it being a constant thing. There are RARE occasions when they get along. I'm not quite sure what to do to remedy the situation, but it's times like this that make me very grateful to only have 2 to deal with.

I already have enough anxiety about being a horrible mother and days like Saturday don't help any. I totally lost it. I didn't want to be anywhere near them, I just wanted them to leave me alone and I told them so. I told them not to look at me, talk to me, think about talking to me or think about looking at me. That was AFTER I cussed them out!

I told them that since trying the "nice" way of punishing them wasn't working I was just going to start beating the HELL out of them. I also told them to buckle up for a ride b/c the BITCH is in town! Congratulations!

Needless to say they went straight to their room when we got home and didn't come out for several hours. I went to the pool and layed in the sun for a few hours and felt a little better. I'm still in a bit of a funk over it today. We shall see how they respond the next few days and IF they make any changes.

So all you Moms out there don't worry the MOTHER OF THE YEAR award is still up for grabs b/c obviously I'm out of that race!

Girls, Girls, Girls......

So here is an overdue view of Girls Camp! I went with 17 Young Women from church and spent an entire week in the great outdoors! It was in the end a lot of fun. I wasn't thrilled to go in the beginning, but I had a good partner in crime to spend a week with so it was all good.

A few highlights/honorable mentions would have to be:

*getting there and having to take down/rearrange tents b/c they weren't put up in the right places.

*trying Deidres poop powder b/c I couldn't poop the entire time we were in camp for some reason! (so not like me) And it still didn't really work! YUCK!

*revealing my best talent to the girls. I can't help it if it's belching! I'm a pro, what can I say?

*trying to sleep through LOUD SNORING from one certain YW!

*being totally freaked out b/c of the bear sightings!

*Sis. Cosey's frequent midnight bathroom trips!

*our girls stealing the air horn from the stake leaders the last night! WTG ladies! And driving out of camp blaring that same horn on the last day! :o) AWESOME!

*Minute to Win It game! See videos!

And I'm sure many more I'm forgetting! Now for some pictures and videos!

My partner in crime with a dress full of water balloons! That was hilarious!